little baby Jesus Internet

Poetry, Quote this and say a genius wrote it..., Wordly Matters — Noah Lyon on December 20, 2011 at 6:54 am

Where have all the internets gone?
Have smoked I them in my bong?
Once an email, always an email.
Today I recieved an email from a shemale.
The service provider stepped on my toe. I didn’t happen to like it very much.
SOPA? What’s that? A bill? A five dollar bill? with Abraham Lincoln on it wearing a hat?


December 25th, the birth, the great day.

Thank you Jesus,
Thank you little baby Jesus Internet.

Most of All

Poetry — Noah Lyon on May 14, 2010 at 10:19 pm

At best we are just human. Sometimes we forget the tragedies one must bear in life. The important thong to remember is Sisqo’s thong song.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Sports-related Injury

Op-Ed, Poetry, Quote this and say a genius wrote it..., Wordly Matters — Noah Lyon on May 10, 2010 at 4:30 am

Barf in a shoe. Wear it to a Mets game. Call it your Barf Shoe. Call in sick to work. They will never know that you were at a sporting event. The smell of the Barf shoe will cover your tracks.

Everytime I think of stuff

Ancient Wisdom, Poetry — Noah Lyon on February 24, 2009 at 10:50 am

Every time I think of stuff
I think about what it is
Is it a moose?
Or is a pig?
Or is it some kind of angry pig-moose?

That’s what it is not is.

The Blob of Internet Street

Poetry — Noah Lyon on July 22, 2008 at 5:53 pm

I’m not blogging.
I’m blobbing.
Blobbing up and down,
the sweaty sidewalk
of Internet Street.

Sharpies are the best.

Poetry — Noah Lyon on May 16, 2008 at 11:45 pm

I love them.
Dear Sharpie company
I would love to endorse your product.
Sometime I get Sharpie on my face
When I am drawing
Dear Sharpie
I can’t throw you out
Where did you come from
Some kind of super marker planet where everything is cool and awesome and permanent.
Sometimes Sharpies go around in a circle
They tell me to draw things.
Terrible things
And funny things
And the best things.
If Sharpies were a food
They would be the best food.
Black Sharpies turn grey over time
It takes years for a Sharpie to die
Literally years
If I had to have some part of my body replaced with an inanimate object
It would be a Sharpie
Hopefully it would be one of my fingers and not my penis.


Ancient Wisdom, Poetry — Noah Lyon on May 12, 2008 at 6:13 am

What is it and why is it here?
Is it God’s poop?
Who gives a shit.


What’s up with stuff?

Poetry, Quote this and say a genius wrote it... — Noah Lyon on March 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm

What’s up with stuff?
Does it make you feel tough? Want to shove it in your muff?
Can you eat it? If it were a cookie? Hairy like a wookie?
Harry like Whodini? Where is it?
What’s up with stuff?

Writer’s Strike

Poetry — Noah Lyon on December 25, 2007 at 10:35 am

I’m on a writer’s strike.
The internet is TV.
I write on the computer and then I punch it.
Strike one for me. Pitching great TV.

What’s ”up” with Ted?

Poetry — Noah Lyon on November 22, 2007 at 8:36 am

Ted Demme is Ted.
Ted Demme isn’t Lemmy.
But He has a motörhead.
A motör-shaped head.

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