Where have all the internets gone?
Have smoked I them in my bong?
Once an email, always an email.
Today I recieved an email from a shemale.
The service provider stepped on my toe. I didn’t happen to like it very much.
SOPA? What’s that? A bill? A five dollar bill? with Abraham Lincoln on it wearing a hat?

EVERYBODY DOWNLOAD THE ENTIRE INTERNET ALL AT THE SAME TIME THEN WE WILL ALL HAVE THE BEST IPAD PARTY EVER

December 25th, the birth, the great day.

Thank you Jesus,
Thank you little baby Jesus Internet.

At best we are just human. Sometimes we forget the tragedies one must bear in life. The important thong to remember is Sisqo’s thong song.

Barf in a shoe. Wear it to a Mets game. Call it your Barf Shoe. Call in sick to work. They will never know that you were at a sporting event. The smell of the Barf shoe will cover your tracks.

Every time I think of stuff
I think about what it is
Is it a moose?
Or is a pig?
Or is it some kind of angry pig-moose?

That’s what it is not is.

I’m not blogging.
I’m blobbing.
Blobbing up and down,
the sweaty sidewalk
of Internet Street.

I love them.
Dear Sharpie company
I would love to endorse your product.
Sometime I get Sharpie on my face
When I am drawing
Oh
Dear Sharpie
I can’t throw you out
Where did you come from
Some kind of super marker planet where everything is cool and awesome and permanent.
Sometimes Sharpies go around in a circle
Chanting
They tell me to draw things.
Terrible things
And funny things
And the best things.
If Sharpies were a food
They would be the best food.
Black Sharpies turn grey over time
It takes years for a Sharpie to die
Literally years
If I had to have some part of my body replaced with an inanimate object
It would be a Sharpie
Hopefully it would be one of my fingers and not my penis.

Rain.
What is it and why is it here?
Is it God’s poop?
Who gives a shit.

Rain.

What’s up with stuff?
Does it make you feel tough? Want to shove it in your muff?
Can you eat it? If it were a cookie? Hairy like a wookie?
Harry like Whodini? Where is it?
What’s up with stuff?

I’m on a writer’s strike.
The internet is TV.
I write on the computer and then I punch it.
Strike one for me. Pitching great TV.

Ted Demme is Ted.
Ted Demme isn’t Lemmy.
But He has a motörhead.
A motör-shaped head.