I’m not blogging.
I’m blobbing.
Blobbing up and down,
the sweaty sidewalk
of Internet Street.

I love them.
Dear Sharpie company
I would love to endorse your product.
Sometime I get Sharpie on my face
When I am drawing
Oh
Dear Sharpie
I can’t throw you out
Where did you come from
Some kind of super marker planet where everything is cool and awesome and permanent.
Sometimes Sharpies go around in a circle
Chanting
They tell me to draw things.
Terrible things
And funny things
And the best things.
If Sharpies were a food
They would be the best food.
Black Sharpies turn grey over time
It takes years for a Sharpie to die
Literally years
If I had to have some part of my body replaced with an inanimate object
It would be a Sharpie
Hopefully it would be one of my fingers and not my penis.

Rain.
What is it and why is it here?
Is it God’s poop?
Who gives a shit.

Rain.

1 - Borrow some stuff.

2- Throw it out.

3- Make more to do lists.

What’s up with stuff?
Does it make you feel tough? Want to shove it in your muff?
Can you eat it? If it were a cookie? Hairy like a wookie?
Harry like Whodini? Where is it?
What’s up with stuff?

I’m on a writer’s strike.
The internet is TV.
I write on the computer and then I punch it.
Strike one for me. Pitching great TV.

The presidential debates haven’t really touched on the issue of stuff. They’ve touched on little Timmy. Inappropriately, I might add. Like 5 plus 9 equals thirteen Timmy clones, but I don’t believe there is enough empirical evidence to prove that that stuff is to blame for stem-cell research. But stuff is definitely an issue when it comes to global warmalism. Where does Hillary Clinton stand on stuff… On a helicopter? Has Barrack Obama raised the issue of black stuff? Rudy Guiliani, who is definitely a queer, hasn’t mentioned stuff once. Stuff is everywhere. Open your eyes to the facts people! Stuff isn’t going anywhere any time soon! And sooner or later stuff is going effect you and everyone else with stuff. So you’d better start thinking about stuff… before stuff starts thinking about you.

Ted Demme is Ted.
Ted Demme isn’t Lemmy.
But He has a motörhead.
A motör-shaped head.

Terrence Bumblebee had trouble with his motor engine. It was the motor engine that made the world spin on its axis. His neighbor, Donald Doucheington, had told the whole neighborhood that the axis was evil. Then one day, while Terrence was on his way to meet Grandpa at the grocery store, he smashed in Donald Doucheington’s mailbox with a sledgehammer. The next day, when the mailman came to Donald Doucheington’s house to deliver a package, all he found was a big pile of doody where the mailbox used to be. The mailman set the doody on fire and ran away. When Donald Doucheington smelled the fire, he ran outside and stomped out the fire, getting shit all over his big clown shoes. Right then, Terrence Bumblebee returned from his sleepover party with Grandpa at the grocery store & saw Donald Doucheington standing there smelling like turds. Terrence laughed and said “Ha Ha! The world is going to stop spinning now!” Then it did & they all flew off into outer-space.

It’s the kind of place that makes
a bum, feel like a king
And it makes a king
feel like some nutty koo koo
super king.