All d�y I could feel the bre�th of S�t�n bre�thing down my neck. Ever since the m�ilm�n rang the doorbell this morning. What the fuck did he w�nt? Met�l? Rhyming met�l? Heavy met�l? How m�ny kinds of met�l are there? Pl�ugued by met�l questions, I sought met�l �nswers…

I consulted the Necronomicon but he d�rk lourde could not �nswers these questions. Suddenly a time traveling hologram came from the west… A spinning disc from outer-space with vinyl �f black and 333 on it’s face… a spicy met�l m�sh… Poopy and Food and the whole human race, rising from the un-dead, laughing with fear… three hundred and thirty three piece drum kits times two, pounding faster and faster like radioactive ooze… Guitar s�lo, guitar s�lo, guitar s�lo!!! A����������������������������������������hhh!!!
BREATHILIZ�R!!!!!! � new long playing record had swooped down from the blackest skies of Michigan, Ohio. A churning bl��dy mosh, � shrill scre�m and the world’s l�rgest bullet-belt… synth, s�mples and S�t�n… it’s �ll here. “We’re a nuclear holocaust with a electric guitars” qouthe the great Breathiliz�r.

If there was a battle of the bands between G.I.S.M. and Breathiliz�r, your mind would be so blown that you’d think your imploded brain had been sucked off by Satan. Then the universe would erupt in a battle royale and Fossil Fuel would be elected president, President of cum.
And all would be lost in the land of Stabasaurus Rex. In the fiery depths of hell Aliester Crowely would be taking a Breathiliz�r test to see if he could handle it. Only if you have the Black Plague should you attempt to fathom The Fallen Corn Messenger of Winter Doom VI : Return to Bobbler’s Index.

This demonic platter was released upon the world by http://www.mymindseyerecords.com/
Breathiliz�r can be contacted, by writing mystical Aliester Crowely words to:
P.O. Box 770212 Lakewood OH 44107 or P.O. Box 5418 Saginaw, MI 48603
Send ten dollars for some 666 if you know what I mean…

Send backwards tom messages to Poopy Necroponde at http://www.myspace.com/hellopoopy

Night Ripper is what the party in my mind sounds like. Mash-ups-mashed up… a radio-made-brain gone wrong. Most pop songs can be summed up in a few seconds, why listen to them any longer than that? MTV gave us ADD. I don’t click; I made a television network that shows shuffled programs in 5-second segments. It was all a dream… I used to read Word Up magazine. Get crunk, get drunk, get fuuuuuucked up! Rappers get more airtime because they have something to say. I be on it all night, I be on it all day, I be on that Kryptonite, I be on that Kryptonite. Bump Bump Toot-toot! Hold me closer Tiny Dancer… hmmm… text isn’t much fun to listen to, but Girl Talk is!!!

Unlike his first album Night Ripper is glitch free. There is no noise to be found here. It’s a fucking party record! Since I don’t have time to go to parties because I’m locked in a little box with a typewriter strapped to my forehead (this is how serious critics do their best thinking) I love getting stuff like this. Best mix-tape ever.

Smash your head!!!

http://illegalart.net/

This is a really nice package. There are 8 tracks of audio, one video tack & a fifty-page book packed into a well-designed black and yellow rectangle that’s over twice the size of your average cd. If all the copyright law debate and intellectual property discussion is too much to wrap your brain around all at once they also include a whoopee cushion for comic relief. The audio tracks are made entirely of recycled sounds, from show tunes to old movies… cut-ups, as they’re known in the biz. For Negativland fans this is nothing new…even underwhelming, if you know how much of a densely packed audio punch Negativland can deliver. This is sort of a “Negativland for Dummies” (which explains the black and yellow packaging), so you won’t find the obscure home recordings, found sounds & original noises that are usually mixed with the hacked up pop tunes. It’s still a fun listen… the perfect present for your parents or anyone who doesn’t understand fair use & thinks the creation of art from found materials is a criminal activity. There is a not so hidden treat for the old school fans, but it does require putting the cd into a computer. The “Gimme the Mermaid” video collaboration with Tim Mahoney is a nice jab at their old record label & courtroom nemesis, SST records. A combination of Disney’s the Little Mermaid and a “you’d better get a lawyer, cuz I own you & I’m gonna sue your ass” phone-call, topped off with mockery of the Black Flag classic “Gimme Gimme Gimme” it’s the kind of anti-corporate absurdist hilarity we’ve come to expect from Negativland.

Editor’s note: Tim Maloney is a former Disney animator & the “Gimme the Mermaid” video was created on Disney’s own computers while the corporate monsters weren’t looking!

http://negativland.com/

This is a 4 song 7″RECORD which means it’s the best thing I’ve been sent to review in a while. At Retard Riot Reviews all cd’s take a backseat while records get served up delicious on the freshest platters. I build towers out of all the cd’s I get and then knock then over while I listen to rad records. I’ma take this one song at a time folks…

EXTREME ANIMALS - guitar center punk
I went to Guitar Center for the first time in my life the other day. I usually find my instruments in the trash and Guitar Center was like diving into the ultimate dumpster. I jammed on a video mixer DJ set-up for hours… it fucking rocked! The equipment probably cost $10,000 but I didn’t have time to look at the price tag. I was too busy partying & blowing out the speakers.

FORTRESS OF AMPLITUDE - surfacing crown
Imagine your favorite heavy metal band…mine is Journey. Now imagine taking a journey to the beach. Isn’t it beautiful?

DJ JACKY JEXX - running free #1 remix by teddy b. and the bearington.
Most people don’t understand how to have fun, especially DJ’s… they are too serious. They’re always trying to figure out how to make people party properly. This DJ doesn’t do that cuz she doesn’t need to. Proper reviews compare music to other music so DJ JACKY JEXX is like CELLPHONE TUMOR PARTY but a little more light hearted. Did I mention noise & having fun? Yes… you CAN do both!

DR. DOO - dune tune #9
I just listened to this 10 times. Trying to put into words = math problem in my mind. I’ll probably listen to this a million more times. Math. Just Doo it!

http://viciouspoprecords.com/

Cauliflower Ass is possibly the world’s greatest living blues-man. Bob farts along on the trumpet while Cauliflower pours his miserable heart out with aid of his only friend … the guitar. I not sure how many strings the guitar has, probably one. One is the loneliest number. Stand out songs include “Call the Doctor” “Four Season’s O’ Misery” and “I Can’t Work”. Actually that’s just the first three tracks…I’m too deppressed to read the rest of the list. I just glanced at the lyric sheet. I hope I die soon. This will be a nice soundtrack.
Unavailable from: Wheelchair Full of Old Men P.O. Box 5418 Saginaw, MI 48603

Fucking PRIEST!!! Wooooooooooooooooooooh! Yeah! Preist fuckin’ rules, man!!! Fuckin’ metal!!! Yeah! PRIEST!!! PRIEST!!! PRIEST!!! Fuckin’ Judas Priest!!! Yeah! Wooooooooooh!

I learned all of these things from watching this John Heyn & Jeff Krulik’s classic documentary. If you haven’t seen Heavy Metal Parking Lot or at least heard about it, you are probably lame. You either don’t like music or don’t like movies, both of which make life on this planet bearable. I guess that would make you beyond lame, it would make you some sort of alien. Now that I’ve alienated (literally) all the book worms (pun-intended) and blog readers (insert irony here) I shall continue my fuckin’ praise of fuckin’ Heavy Metal Parking Lot cuz it fuckin’ rules.

Since you’ve already seen it you know that it’s twenty minutes of interviews with kids getting trashed out of their minds in a parking lot, before a 1986 Judas Priest concert. It’s been bootlegged so many times…the first time I saw it was by renting a bootleg video. It was probably the only bootleg that you could rent. Videos like this are the reason youtube was invented. It’s something you see & immediately want to show you’re friends.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot is also the blueprint for American Idol. It’s people making fools of themselves while waiting for the “the big event” which, is in fact, more exciting than the big event itself. When you turn the camera on the fans they suddenly turn into the stars, singing and dancing they way their heroes do on stage. When they are in such close proximity to stardom, whether waiting on line to audition for American Idol or getting wasted in a parking lot, the fans go crazy. Take away the crazy fans and there is no show, no idols…no metal gods.

“Living after midnight, rockin’ to the dawn Lovin’ til the morning, then I’m gone, I’m gone…” some wasted dude singing that in Heavy Metal Parking lot is what got me into Judas Priest.

This DVD includes over two hours of special features including all the sequels: Neil Diamond Parking Lot, Monster Truck Parking Lot and Harry Potter Parking Lot. I think Harry Potter is my favorite sequel. There’s lot’s of other stuff too, like Dub-O-Vision: a tenth VHS bootleg version of the Heavy Metal Parking Lot. I loved watching it with it subtitles, it made classic lines like “My name is Grahm…like gram of dope!” all the more memorable. It’s hard to get past watching Heavy Metal Parking Lot over and over again, so there’s probably an hour’s worth of dvd I haven’t seen yet.

http://heavymetalparkinglot.com/

The Incredible Bongo Band were a couple of dudes just havin� some fun. Basically they did cover songs, cut out the vocals and amped up the percussion, amped it up to�11. Bongo Rock�pretty self-explanatory. Now let me tell you the Incredible part�

Back in the day, Michael Viner promoted guys like Ramsey Lewis and Woody Allen at L.A. folk clubs. Then he got a job as an aide to Senator Robert Kennedy. After Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, Viner got back into showbiz. He got a job at MGM and one of the first acts he signed was Sammy Davis Jr. He produced hits like �Candy Man� and �Mr. Bojangles�. When an MGM movie called �The Thing with Two Heads� needed alast minute soundtrack to a chase scene, Michael Viner and his friend Perry Botkin Jr. recorded a song for it called �Bongo Rock� as a lark. They called themselves The Incredible Bongo Band. To everyone�s amazement the song became a hit single and sold over 2 million copies.

Bongo Rock was instrumental to the birth of hip-hop. It was the first song ever to be cut up by a DJ in the Bronx. In 1975 Kool Herc took two copies of the record and cut back and forth between them, just playing the breaks, so people could dance to the drums. And then there was break-dancing. And it was good. The first cut off the �Bongo Rock� album is �Apache�. �Apache� is literally the sound of hip-hop born. Babies cry when they come into this world, b-boys and b-girls �Apache�. I heard this song at least 500 times before I knew the name of the band played it�the Incredible Bongo Band. And for many years the Incredible Bongo Band didn�t even know their record helped sparked musical revolution.

The Bongo Band were studio musicians and consequently had a lot of different folks dropping in on sessions. Viner and Botkin had help from Phil Spector, Ringo Starr and John Lennon�just to mention a few. They even had plans to record with the London Symphony Orchestra! Contributing to almost all the tracks was drummer, Jim Gordon (who co-wrote �Layla� with Eric Clapton). At some point Gordon started hearing voices, lost his mind and killed his mother with an axe. He is currently serving a life-long prison sentence. Incredible.

In the last 30 years this album has been sampled a million times and Michael Viner has admirably never sued anyone for copyright infringement. That amazing drumbeat on the Beastie Boys� �Looking Down The Barrel Of A Gun� (Paul�s Boutique) with that crazy wavy dub phaser sound� Notice the bongos? That�s break beat from the Incredible Bongo Band�s �Last Bongo In Belgium�. The production on that break is mind blowing.

There are 16 other songs on “Bongo Rock” that I haven�t even mentioned. This is a review not a novel, okay? Just go get the album and bongo your brains out. http://mrbongo.com/ Break!

I saw Shawn perform as Pleasurehorse a while back and thought he was awesome. Hoppin’ & boppin’ all over a mess of drum-machines, samplers, effects peddles, I don’t even know what was in that electrical pile to tell the truth. But he was holding a flash light in his teeth and goin’ nuts playin’ beeps, bloops & beats, noisy shit you could bop your head to. This cd however has none of that. It’s like the sound his electronic set up might make with out him pounding on it. Something like trying to tune your radio to an outer space station that you can’t find. That’s the thing with Noise; I either love it or hate it. I fast forwarded through the whole cd looking for some sounds other than bzzzzzzzz or eeeeeee. There was no crunk to be found. Then I tap danced all over it like that dude from Showtime at the Apollo. I can dig records that are pure Noise but the compact digital format really strips the soul from it. I just read Shawn’s description of this, which is “noise beneath noise”, so this intentionally stripped down. I live in a constant barrage of noise (sometimes referred to as New York City) that probably drowned out any nuances I might have heard on this cd.

Shawn Greenlee

“In a time when we as people often overlook what is crucial in regards to our survival as a Global community, I found it critical to create a piece of work that would provoke thought and dialogue. I have an undying love for hip hop as a culture and an art form and have used it as a tool to open people�s minds and a way to voice some of my opinions.

All you have to do is watch the news, read the papers, look outside your window or listen to what is going on around you and you will see how much work needs to be done to heal this fucked up world we live in. War, drugs, poverty, crime, disease, divorce, abuse and depression are just some of what we are faced with everyday. How can we overcome these obstacles when we are so concerned with how we pay our rent, and feed our families?

I challenge myself and to take of yourself. In order to create positive change in this world you have to be okay. If you are okay that is less work someone else has to do. Identify what your issues are and do something about it. This is the way we begin to rise up.

I thank you for the purchase of this album and hop you will encourage someone else to do the same. This is how I eat. I will continue to be my voice and the voice of the people, all people! Fuck racism and those who think being racist will ever change anything. There are those who are oppressed and there are those who oppress. We as a people of all races, creeds, religions, genders and colors when united will create a real revolution and put an end to oppression!” - Sabac Red’s artist statement (inside the cover of his album).

Wow. I think all rappers should put artist statements on their albums. Like “I believe violence, misogyny, selling drugs and conspicuous consumption are the key the to the future of our hip-hop nation!” I’m putting that one out there for all you major label players & industry rappers in the game. Use it free of charge. Imagine if the “Let’s Get Free” album by Dead Prez was produced by NECRO. That’s what this sounds like. Go cop it and use it as a blueprint for the next hip-hop record you record. Gangsta shit is dead. G-Unit & the Bush administration have taken it to the limit and driven it into the ground. Let’s take it back to the days of P.E. and B.D.P., the 20-year cycle is here. It’s time to start building in the year Cipher God!

Psycho-Logical Records

Sabac Red

This has an awesome cover. It’s a throwback of a 70’s exploitation movie poster. There’s a drawing of guy in a leather bondage mask with a microphone cord in his hands strangling a victim so hard that one of his eyeballs has popped completely out of his head. I don’t why, but the popped out / hanging eyeball has always been one of my favorite images. Ever since I was kid. Maybe it’s because I’m blind in one eye. Hmmm… better get back to NECRO, NECRO wouldn’t like reading a NECRO review that wasn’t about NECRO. This album is produced by NECRO and features NECRO on 14 of the 17 tracks. On the back cover it says, “Pick up NECRO’s brand new porno movie “Sexy Sluts” In stores now!” Oh shit, there’s more on the front cover I wanted to tell you about, the drawing of a dude with an afro and a smiley face button on his vest bashing in someone’s head with a boom-box… awesome. BONE CRUSHING, TERROR, SPINE-TINGLING, CHILLS! NECRO presents BRUTALITY PART 1 featuring NECRO, ILL BILL, GORETEX, MR. HYDE in BLOOD-CURDLING COLOR SOUND says the cover. That pretty much says it all. Oh yeah, NECRO is an ill rapper and one of the best producers in the game. I have yet to see his porno directing skills.

http://necrohiphop.com/