© RETARD RIOT Reviews + DOCTOR NINJA the CULTURAL CRITIC >> bashing BOOKS, breaking RECORDS, fingering FOOD and mutilating MOVIES ™ » Music

Blatz / Filth – Shit Split, re-realease on Alternative Tentacles (double CD / LP)

Doctor Ninja — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:32:05 +0000

“Tonight we’re gonna fuk shit up… tonight we’re gonna fuk shit up … tonight we’re gonna fuk shit up – TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA FUK SHIT UP!!!! …reeeaal good, motherfucker!” – Blatz 1991.

Parents, teachers and fascist cops, President fucking Bush the first, they think they’ve got it all under control huh? The powers that be have everything lined up for a perfect future, 1000 points of light. Tipper Gore shielding my virgin ears from all the shit and erasing all the fuck. No naughty words in music! That would warp my teenage mind. Then comes Blatz. Chaotic, naked, raw and beautiful. They loved to hate the same things I hated, they liked to get wasted and they didn’t give a shit who knew it. Melodic & maniacal male / female vocals, young, dumb and having fun. It’s punk & I love it. I loved it so much that I took it seriously. And you’d better too by the time you get to the Filth side of the shit-split or your head will explode. Punk is not a fucking joke its for real and Jake Filth spitting flaming gasoline lyrics will make you understand that…

“The list is thousands long
People who decided it wasn’t for them
Did they really make that decision?
Conditioning runs deep in the U.S.A.
Teenage rebellion is just fine as long as you stop once you turn eighteen
Thousands of punks turned to society’s tools
There is something in their eyes
You can tell they sold out
Remember punk is more than teenage rebellion
Sure it starts there. But why does it end?
And the list is thousands long
What other life is there besides a life of freedom?
Never give in
Never give up
When boredom sets in
Think of the young kids who we once were
That enthusiasm is still there
You look around
What do you see?
One to replace every five that leave
And the list is millions long
But, lately I see an upsurgency
Back to old values of dedication and fuking rebellion
Perhaps the list is only hundreds long.” – The List – Filth

The Blatz / Filth – Shit Split has the Live the Chaos 7″, Blatz – Cheaper Than the Beer 7″ and all the other records both bands ever put out. Do your punk rock homework. Get it now. http://www.alternativetentacles.com

TV Watchers / Quackadero – Carl In the Sky with Diamonds – split CDR

Doctor Ninja — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:59:27 +0000

Put cd-r in player. Make it go round. It’s made of music. It sounds like sound. 2008 isn’t over yet but this is going in my top ten list of best albums of the year. Here’s a list of critically acclaimed TV Watchers songs. (Critically acclaimed by me: Dr. Ninja the Cultural Critic)

1- Writers Strike
2- Vote for President
3- Brittney Spear’s Sister
4- Intelligent Design
5- Golf Channel Lay Off
6 – Fire Don Imus
7- Murder Capitol
8- Make Some More Make Overs
9- Reporters On Location
10- Kuccinich Can’t Win
11- O.J. Is Innocent
12- Holiday Spending

On the other side is Quackadero, an upbeat Cauliflower Ass and Bob, with more grass than blues. TV Watchers are like Fossil Fuel on ludes or a TV Guide made out of punk that sounds like a pack of cigarettes reporting the nightly news. Both bands are comprised of Food and Poopy. Bob plays trumpet in Quackadero. I don’t think anybody cares about any of this but I do so suck it.

Wheelchair Full of Old Men + Onion Mind Games. Art by Food and Mike Schafer.

DEAD KENNEDYS – Plastic Surgery Disasters

Doctor Ninja — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:19:42 +0000

In lieu of an actual review here’s the lyrics to a song off Dead Kennedys classic “Plastic Surgery Disasters” Lp. Dead Kennedys are the greatest punk rock band of all time so download their discography today or buy their records used. Specifically don’t buy them new because Jello Biafra says not to. Listen to Jello Biafra. Without further ado here’s to Halloween:

So it’s Halloween
And you feel like dancin’
And you feel like shinin’
And you feel like letting loose

Whatcha gonna be
Babe, you better know
And you better plan
Better plan all day

Better plan all week
Better plan all month
Better plan all year

You’re dressed up like a clown
Putting on your act
It’s the only time all year
You’ll ever admit that

I can see your eyes
I can see your brain
Baby, nothing’s changed
(repeat)

You’re still hiding in a mask
You take your fun seriously
No, don’t blow this year’s chance
Tomorrow your mold goes back on

After Halloween

You go to work today
You’ll go to work tomorrow
Shitfaced tonight
You’ll brag about it for months

Remember what I did
Remember what I was
Back on Halloween

But what’s in between
Where are your ideas
You sit around and dream
For next Halloween

Why not everyday
Are you so afraid
What will people say
(repeat)

After Halloween

Because your role is planned for you
There’s nothing you can do
But stop and think it through
But what will the boss say to you

And what will your girlfriend say to you
And the people out on the street they might glare at you
And whadya know you’re pretty self-conscious too

So you run back and stuff yourselves in rigid business costumes
Only at night to score is your leather uniform exhumed
Why don’t you take your social regulations
And shove ‘em up your ass

Amebix – No Sanctuary: The Spiderleg Recordings

Doctor Ninja — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:24:33 +0000

Amebix sounds like someone yelling down a hole. This is classic crusty punk though, No Masters, No Gods. They sang it first. Twenty five years ago. Ironically that song doesn’t include the lyrics “no masters, no gods” so I guess they never sang it at all.
As far as anarcho-punk goes I much prefer Crass or Subhumans to Amebix. There’s a lot of moaning and groaning in Amebix that makes me wanna shoot heroin into my eyeballs rather than go out and smash the state. The Spiderleg recordings are a chugging and miserable soundtrack to the squatters life of squalor. I’m going to seek sanctury now… in Lil’ Wayne’s “Tha Carter III”! He’s got tattoos on his face and he’s not asking for spare change.

http://www.alternativetentacles.com

MUDMUX vol.1 – Mudboy with Extreme Animals and Dark Dark Dark 7″

Doctor Ninja — Sun, 18 May 2008 14:12:33 +0000

I’m going to attempt to do a psychic review of this record (A psychic review is when Doctor Ninja the Cultural Critic uses his power of spoon-bending, mind reading, psychic surgery and extreme knowledge to capture the spirit activity of something he has never heard, seen or even knew existed before it magically appeared in the RRReviews mailbox – the editor). MUDBOY, master of mush mixing has made a musical mess of midi files. A former floppy disc the song… wait… a name is coming to me…something with a J. Is it Jesus? Do anyone know a Jesus? No… wait there’s something else… he’s a carpenter. Hmmm… that definitely sounds like Jesus. Hold on… I’m getting another J. I’ve smoked a second doobie and the name is John. Wait… I’ve got it… scary music composer John Carpenter !!! But wait… I’m feeling something more here… something crunk. I’m hearing a little crunk… little… little John. The Extreme Animals side of this MUDMUX record is a song tribute to Lil’ Jon Carpenter!

Okay I’m holding side 2 of the record up to my forehead. It’s blue. It’s covering my eyes completely, but my hearing sees through it. My hearing is a little muddy though. I’m hearing something dark. Very dark. Like dark, dark. Like dark, dark, dark. Side two is a Mudboy version of a song by Dark Dark Dark !!! Wait, there’s more… the record is pressed on clear blue vinyl !!! My extreme knowledge tells me there are only 550 of these records. and they are being sold for $5.50 (US) from DNT records. My psychic powers tell me they will be sold out soon and someday will cost $550.

And there we have it ladies and gentleman… a Doctor Ninja psychic review, that always reveals what’s true.

The cover is a unique silkscreen poster by artists R.Lyon & Kevin Hooyman.

Juiceboxxx / Dre Skull – Center Stage – Extreme Animals REMIXXX 7″

Doctor Ninja — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:29:18 +0000

The kind of record I love… seven inches round, only 500 pressed, one sided clear vinyl with stamped white labels and a crazy sticker. Laser beams man… laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaser beams. Hmmm… this review is missing something, oh yeah, the music. Extreme Animals crush it as usual, crunk punk funk style. They punch up Dre Skull’s totally Technotronic track and jam crunk dust in all the cracks. More importantly they put Juiceboxxx’s vocals through juicer… peeling the awkward cadence, cutting the corn syrup rap and leaving plenty of pulp to get you pumped on the dancefloor… homestyle.

http://www.viciouspoprecords.com/

The Circle of Tyrants – self titled album – (file under NECRO)

Doctor Ninja — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 15:25:46 +0000

The Circle of Tyrants = Evil rapping cowboys from hell. What do rapping cowboys from hell sound like? Necro, Ill Bill, Goretex and Mr. Hyde? Fucking awesome! Straight up violent hardcore hip-hop, not hip-pop gangsta-wanksta crap. Think N.W.A, Kool G Rap, Geto Boys… cinematic scary shit that makes your parents wanna crap. Okay… maybe you are ten years old and your parents force you listen to Public Enemy for educational purposes and let’s say they have a sweet spot in their heart for old timey gangsta shit because it reminds them of simpler times� The good ol’ days before the terrorists were blowin’ up and Norwegian music was about wood, not killing each other over east coast / west coast black metal beefs. Well they’d better be strapped with pampers if they catch you listening to the satanic Circle of Tyrants. This features guest appearances by Igor Cavalera of Sepultura, Alex Skolnick of Testament, Matt Harvey of Exhumed, and Vinny Appice of Black Sabbath / Dio. It ain’t no limp dick biscuit rap-metal, this is fucking-metal-kill-you-die-die-death-rap… probably one of the most creative super group side projects since the Gravediggaz “6 Feet Deep” album. Horrifying music with beautiful lyrics. Necro plays violin on this record… how many rappers from the projects play violins on their albums?!? The boys got talent! And he fucking kills you! Circle of Tyrants. Buy it! Die!

NECRO STORE

Uncle Howie Records

Eloe Omoe – Marauders CD

Doctor Ninja — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 22:40:49 +0000

Hey! Unnnngh! Let’s jam! (With noise in our minds). Back to reality… the cd just ended & next door someone screwing a screw just screeched a screeching screw sound. Total fucking power tools. How can you tell noise from other noise? That is the question. The carpenter next door didn’t have a bass. Eloe Omoe DOES have a bass (played by Sam Rowell). No drums from the sound next door, this has drums played by Tim Leanse. Some time ago, someone gave me an Eloe Omoe record. They told me it was drum & bass… I thought that meant it was techno music. Hmmm. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Sludge face bass and space weird drums. Who turned all the punks into jazz musicians? Bleeeeeeaaaauuuuuurrrg. plop. Bongo nut. I have trouble understanding noise on cd. CD’s just aren’t noisey. They’re not heavy, they’re CD’s. It’s a good thing I’m playing this through a funky guitar amp with the bass nob set to eleven. This is pretty heavy, thanks in part to it being recorded by super noise weirdo Jeremy Harris. Noise is subtle. I like this and I don’t know why. Not recommended for iPod listening.

Animal Disguise Recording #075 http://www.animaldisguise.com/

Sexy Prison “Italians Who Just Saw Rocky” LP

Doctor Ninja — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 14:37:03 +0000

What if Ian Curtis was the lead singer of Extreme Animals… with Whoopi Goldberg on drums & Henry Rollins as a sexy cheerleader. Bad idea? Or great idea!!! Hmmm…

Red vinyl = 10 points. Songs called “Zima on your Tits” and “Escape from Dude Mountain” = 20 points. Chopped off head on album cover = 15 points. Lyric sheet = 15 points. Richard Pryor sample = 20 points. So far this Sexy Prison clocks in at 80 points.

Let’s just say this is the Rhode Island School of Design and I’m Professor Doctor Ninja, right about now this record is getting a “B”. Then I As I sip my TAB and ponder my notes, I recall my first impressions of “Italians Who Just Saw Rocky”…then I do some more pondering. The album title alone deserves a B+. Class dismissed.

SEXY PRISON = http://undietacos.org/sexyprison/
buy da record here http://tonevendor.com/item/15349

VIKI – ‘SELF TITLED’ CD

Doctor Ninja — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:34:07 +0000

Some noisy shit you can shake your booty to on qualludes. Kind of like a farting deaf Peaches. Heavy bass with bleeps, boops & wierd shit in all the right places.
This collection of early/rare tracks from 1999-2004 includes songs from the “Triple X” cassette, the “Vixen Hott” and “Full Time” cd-r’s, and much more. Cover art by G. Beauvais.
Get ready electrodes… VIKI is the building (industrial factory) & she’s gonna make it shake like an earthquake!!!

Ten bucks from http://animaldisguise.com/

Check out her foxy rupert murdoch myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/wikedviki